Each of us, for our own reasons and experiences, has been asked by a friend if we have some time to catch up. Now, the catch-up request can come about for a few different reasons and a lot of the time, it’s simply because you haven’t seen each other for a while. But what about those times when the request has a more meaningful purpose?

Purposes include when your friend, colleague or family member wants to catch up to draw on your experience, gauge your opinion, and utilise your expertise.

What changes, then?

Well, quite a bit, or at least it should.

From my experience, I remember most days of my life are spent having conversations with people about where things are at in their lives, both personally and professionally. So when a friend, a colleague, or a family member asks if I have time to catch up, I am pretty keen to find out whether we are catching up to say hi or because they need my help.

Now, I know this is starting to sound like Bill making a mountain out of a molehill or that everything instantly becomes a counselling session, but it isn’t. My point is this… if it is just an everyday ‘how you doing’ or ‘what you been up to’, then no rules apply. Meet wherever and enjoy each other’s company.

However, I ask the questions I do about the catch-up so that I can gauge how much of this is just getting together and how much it is because they need my help. When I realise that help is needed, I then approach the catch-up in a whole different way.

Here are a few of my rules for these types of catch-ups:

1. Be There
Physically as well as psychologically. Make sure you give the person and the discussion your undivided attention.

2. Know Your Role
I, like you, am busy, so a quick game is usually a good game. However, that rule never applies in these types of situations. You have to be patient and let them talk. Don’t interrupt. Don’t be quick to come up with a solution. Let the conversation take its course, and when and where appropriate, that is when you provide input.

3. Read The Signs
Most of the time, in these situations, for many different reasons, not everything will get said. If you are on your game and not distracted or thinking about something else or where you could be other than here, you will pick up on some of the signs that tell you only some of what needs to be presented is being presented.

More importantly, though, if you read the situation correctly and realise that not everything is being discussed, you will also know when it is best to push for more information and when it is appropriate not to.

4. The Venue Matters
We all have our favourite coffee shop, restaurant, or park bench—the places where we are comfortable, etc. But in this case, remember that it is all about the other party, the reason for the catch-up, and the topic of conversation. Therefore, your favourite place to meet may not be the best place for this catch-up and subsequent discussion.

The conversation will need space, privacy, and a venue where you both feel completely comfortable having it. The venue in no way should not stifle the opportunity to help someone.

5. One-sided
Remember, you are there for them. This is a crucial point to remember, so make sure it doesn’t go from them unloading on you about their situation to you turning it around and trying to one-up them with the problems you are having. Now, I don’t mean you would intentionally do this, but regardless of how you get to this point, my advice is straightforward…don’t let it get to this point.

Leave your problems or situations for another time.

6. Respond accordingly
One of the most important skills I have learned over the years is the best way to respond to what is being said. It is to keep the discussion flowing and to develop some resolution from the discussion. Therefore, a lot of the time, you don’t have to have a long-winded explanation or response. Sometimes, the best response is a smile, a nod of the head for agreement, or an “uh huh” if you like. These simple responses show your interest and understanding and that they are on the right track.

7. Show interest
It doesn’t matter what you say if your body language isn’t right. The conversation will go nowhere, and it will get there real quick.

-Maintain eye contact
-Smile where appropriate
-Sit in a manner that shows you are interested
-Let your body show you are interested, and let your responses highlight that you are listening.

8. The Best Response
Well, to start with, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to these types of situations, and because of that, there is no best response. But there is something you need to consider: Sometimes, the best response is to say nothing! Just listen, smile, nod, etc., and let them talk their way into better understanding the situation and then what is the best way for them to deal with it.

Just being there and saying nothing can also be a game-changer.

9. Let them work through it
When the situation gets a little emotional, tears come, emotions flare, or hyperventilation kicks in. Deal with it, but whatever you do, don’t try to change the course of the conversation.

As unpleasant as it might be, this is often the best way forward. So, for you, hand them a tissue and a glass of water, say nothing, and offer your undivided attention and a shoulder for them to lean on.

When the situation gets emotional, they will likely not necessarily want your advice; they will just want your support. They will soon realise, if they don’t already know, that they can rely on you because you understand them.

10. Don’t Get Lost
For any number of reasons, sometimes it is hard to understand the reason for the conversation, what the real problem is or what it is they need from you. But don’t mess things up by asking questions like “What did you say?” or “Pardon. I don’t understand” simply because you are not paying attention. If you don’t understand, ask for clarification, but before you do, make sure it is because you don’t understand, as opposed to the fact that you weren’t paying attention.

So, food for thought for next time you are there to help someone, and as you are, make sure…

The Journey Continues!