How You Should Be With Others
March 13, 2015
Heads Up Magoo
May 11, 2015
How You Should Be With Others
March 13, 2015
Heads Up Magoo
May 11, 2015
Show all


It’s amazing how often I am asked, “Why do people take you on to coach them?” Then invariably the very next question is “What sort of people are they?”

And usually these are not just questions for understanding, they are almost questions of judgement.

And by this I mean, there are people who think coaching is a negative reactive process. That for someone to get coached they must have something wrong with them or their world is crumbling around their ears.

Obviously I have been contacted by, and worked with many people that have unfortunately found themselves in situations they don’t want to be in or things are not working out the way they wanted. However, I think it is important to highlight that the majority of people that enquire about coaching (well at least with me) are in a good place but they just want to be in a better place than they are now.

These days though, coaching has become a trendy industry and to be honest, the industry of coaching is not one that I know too much about or get too involved with. Like all professions, there will be good practitioners and there will be those that will know the material but will have a hard time applying it successfully.

Coaching is both an art and a science, but for me, it is so much more. I think you can learn a lot about it and you can spend many hours working at it. But in the end, you either have it or you don’t. But here’s the thing and believe me, I am one through personal experience that truly understands this part. Even though you may “have it’, this still doesn’t mean your ‘it’ is going to be for everyone.

Over the years from my time in sport, and the coaching I do now with businesses, sporting organisations and individuals in everyday life, I know that me and my style of coaching isn’t for everyone. And with that realisation, it isn’t uncommon for me to tell someone that they would be better served by looking elsewhere.

You see from my perspective, coaching is something ‘you do with’ someone not something you ‘do to’ someone. There has to be a level of compatibility to allow the process of coaching to have any chance of success. That compatibility comes in many different forms, but in my experience I know when it’s there and when it isn’t, or when it wont be.

For coaching to have any hope of delivering the purpose for which it is intended, the person receiving the coaching has to be an active participant in the process. Once again, it is not uncommon for people to want to be better, a desire to change how and why they do what they do. All have great intentions, but for some that is where it begins and ends, with intention. They simply turn up to each coaching session with their empty silver platter and wait to be fed by the wisdom, experience and understanding of the coach.

Me, when I realise I am working harder at the coaching than the other party involved, I usually have something to say. Then if things don’t change, the other party will soon find themselves looking for another coach.

It doesn’t happen often, but it has happened. Yes, I have actually fired clients.

Not something I am proud of having to do, but it is something I will do if need be. I want the coaching to work and if it isn’t working with me, then perhaps me giving them the old ‘heave ho’ will have them looking at how to make it work better with someone else.

One of the more interesting sides of coaching is how many times people make contact, explain their situation or need, you listen intently, take notes and then proceed to go through how you might be able to help them and how a programme would be structured and implemented. They thank you and say they will think about it and get back to you. You follow up, still no decision. You follow up again and they are still thinking about it.

Now the sales professionals out there are probably saying that I didn’t show value and/or you didn’t close hard enough etc etc etc. And maybe there is an element of that. But the one thing I know about coaching, is that to some degree it is still a profession in it infancy and a profession that is dealing with the stigma of ‘if you need coaching there is probably something wrong with you’. So with this in mind and for many other reasons people procrastinate. Sometimes a 3-12 month period expires from the initial phone call to taking up the option of the coaching.

Have things improved in that 3-12 month period? Usually not and in the majority of cases, it has only got worse. The main reason being…I thought I would work it out for myself or I would just use my family and friends.

Family and friends are wonderful and I wouldn’t swap mine for the world. However, I do know their place in our relationship, and there are things I call on them for and then there are areas that I would never get them involved with. Not because of anything else other than they just don’t have the experience, skill or ability to help. Their desire and preparedness to help is never in question.

Great friends and family will always be part of our lives and everything that comes with it. But sometimes you need someone or something else. Not necessarily because there is a problem, but simply because you want to make sure…

The Journey Continues!

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